Cranksgiving Tooth Fairy

So, two years later and my second Cranksgivng, a rolling canned food drive that roves from supermarket to supermarket, this time STL style. Patrick and the good people of Bike Works put it together and it was more of a ride than a mad-dash scramble.

At the beginning of the ride, it was mentioned that the shelter we would be donating to needed toothbrushes. When we got to the first stop, I asked some people who volunteered at a local food pantry what I should buy. They said again that they needed dental hygene products. No effin' problem, everyone who matters knows that I'm a flossing machine. No canned corn for this man, I loaded up on teeth cleaning products. Five supermarkets and 16 bucks later, I had 10 tubes of toothpaste on special, two Spider Man kids toothbrush and toothpaste kits, some floss and a few bars of soap for good measure.

All in all, 72 people took in a crap ton of food and dental products, everyone had a great time and now I'm going to concentrate on drinking water.

UPDATE!
Cranksgiving STL made it into the local paper

First Baby Pictures

Laura and I went to our first OB/GYN meeting yesterday. Dr. K, who is our other Dr. K's Wife, was pretty good. There wasn't any waiting, she was very pleasant and professional and was warm enough to make Laura feel comfortable. After only a brief meet and greet, we went to a little room, she turned on some mood lighting and shoved a condom-covered, sonogram probe up Laura's hoo-hoo.

And this, ladied and gentlemen, is what we saw:




What you don't get from the picture is the winking on and off of the heart beating very rapidly. Laura was very nervous about finding problems during this visit. I didn't think I was, but once I saw the heart beat, and saw that it wasn't in the tubes, it felt like someone had taken a bucket of relief and dumped it over my head.

Don't Try This At Home

I just wanted to add that in looking for the picture in the previous post I did a Google image search of "knocked up". If you have your filter turned off, like I did, you'll get a few images of Judd Apetow's movie, and a lot of shots of pregnancy porn.

Thanks A Lot Judd Apetow

I remember telling Laura after we saw "Knocked Up" that I coulnd't wait to see the DVD when it came out. I was actually clutching Laura's arm while the birth scene was happening. The movie holds up the second time around with the comedy as well, I've always been a fan of improv based shit.

Our first meeting with the OB/GYN is on Tuesday. It'll also be our first time meeting the OB/GYN who just happens to be the wife of our regular doctor. I'm not too sure what one is supposed to do in these meetings. My grandmother, my grandfather and my aunt were all OB/GYNs and so I'll be sure to get that one in. I always make a point to mentiion the doctors in my family whenever I'm having a frank doctor-patient about my own impending medical attention. It's not so much a hope that they'll have met them, but that I'll appeal to that part of their superego that's more afraid of looking like an ass in front of their peers than getting sued for malpractice. It's an unfair advantage, but I feel that the cards are stacked against me anyway and I might as well use whatever I've got.

Our Blueberry Sized Bundle of Joy

It's unclear to me how Laura gets through her day. She seems to move through the world in a vomitous cloud of pure fatigue. Not being able to eat a lot, I was a little worried about how that would effect the nutritional needs of the baby. Luckily, female biology is such that a fetus will happily eat the very marrow from the mothers bones.

As you might guess, I'm playing the part of the caretaker. Gone are the days of me basking in knowledge that my junk works and that my love of cycling hasn't destroyed my cajones. Now I wake up and have to change the cat litter for fear of giving Laura a harmful cat feces born disease and there is no one to walk the dog but me since Laura is out for the count.

Work is going well, I've jumping through requisite hoops to get everything ready for construction. Lots of people that I run into bitch about how difficult it is to get anything done in the city of St. Louis, but so far everything has gone off without a hitch. Bids are due this Friday, which is the 800 lb gorilla. I'm expecting some awful sticker shock, a little horse trading, a touch of whip-sawing and then finally picking one, closing the loan and getting down to business.

I'M PREGNANT!

Laura is pregnant, but everyone says that it's a "we" thing, so yeah, while Laura is doing a great job of growing another human being in her womb, I too, am pregnant. I/Laura/we are due in late June. It was no accident, we meant to do it and it happened lickity split. Anyone who tells you that unprotected sex doesn't result in pregnancy is telling you a goddamned lie!

Laura turns 28 tomorrow and has reached her goal of being 28 and pregnant. Happy birthday baby.

Fun Times Weekend Pictures

Here's the sag wagon.

Too Much Fun

Through a friend of a friend of a friend I heard about the illustrius Tour De Moose, a semi-competetive event that marries beer drinking and biking. It celebrates the birthday of a gentleman known as Moose (or Kevin) who works as a bartender at a bar called Lemmons where the event began.

These are the rules:
1. Everyone has a helmet
2. No running lights (five minutes added to your time)
3. Stay with the turn sheet (five minute penalty as well)
4. Each beer is 30 seconds off of your time

About twenty minutes of biking, a half hour of beer, a group photo and then off to the next bar. Every weekend should be like that, maybe a ride around wine country for variety. Everybody was super chill: lots of introductions, some new friends made an invitation to a friendly game of bike polo and in the end some healthy competition.

Laura got super competetive and decided early on to house all of the other women AND DID!!! The four sophic women in charge of the oranizing and timekeeping rooted her on at every checkpoint. I took it easy for the majority of the ride, but was told at the beginning that there were a few people that always took it very very seriously. I decided to take the piss on a couple of these guys and had a great time of it. Lots of photos to follow.

Anniversaries

Went to my 10 year high school anniversary last Saturday. The timing with work was good since I could back up my brag of opening a wine bar with written assurances from two different banks. My high school class was incredibly small, and the reunion was maybe 35 people, spouses included. Two girls from my class are new mothers with six and nine month olds. Three of my former classmates fly for a living, for the Coast Guard, Air Force and privately for jetsetting millionaires. A good number of my classmates work for their dads, pretty par for the course here in St. Louis, but impossible for me since my old man never taught me how to intebate.

I got to see my old theatre teacher, tour the school and see what has changed. The former head of the school, who I absolutely hated was long gone and had been replaced by a younger guy who seemed pretty competent. I was a little bit worried that she might show up, since I had planned exactly what I wanted to say to her and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself. Laura was there with me, which was great for the cool, hot wife bragging rights and so that she could get a little bit of an insight into who the hell "Teddy" was.

October 7th was our 1 year wedding anniversary, a sort of half anniversary since we were actually married in February. Laura's mom, Val and her boyfriend Bob were in town and we had barbicue and went to a new wine bar where Val gave the Italian wine selection a delighfully thorough drubbing.

October 11th marked a full year since we left beautiful, thriving, exciting New York. It's becoming a more remote spec in the rearview mirror, more abstract. I miss it sometimes, mostly the people. With some notable exceptions most of my good New York friends are leaving the city, and the New York that I used to know isn't really there anymore. This may be a stretch, but I sometimes liken the city to female characters in the Tom Robbins novels I used to read in college; beautiful, eager to engage you and completely indifferent whether you stay or leave.

The day we left, a New York Yankees pitcher crashed his plane into the side of a midtown building, snarling traffic and adding several hours to our exit. I looked out the window of our rented minivan and Laura said "we could always move back if we got really rich" it was a nice thought, but I knew it was goodbye.

Happy Freaking Bike Messenger Appreciation Day

It's been a year and a day since I retired as a bike messenger.
I've got a crap cold so I didn't bike into work.
There is exactly one (1) bike messenger in the entire city of St. Louis.
Nevertheless.....

A Real, Honest-To-God Bike Commuter

I've been experimenting with my commute route for the last few weeks and I've settled on the one that goes through a long, industrial stretch of Manchester Road. It's got a lot of stop lights many more lanes than there are cars and no one else except local traffic seems to use it in the mornings. There are a bunch of factories, used car lots, a big depot for welding supplies and the illustrious Bull's-Eye indoor shooting range. It's a lot like my commute from Greenpoint to Gawanis Brooklyn, only I'm the only biker.

Except for today of couse when I got passed by a guy on a mountain bike with slicks, full on shorts and jersey and a rack with waterproof panniers, which I assume held his work chlothes. I drafted him about a half mile, we exchanged a "great freaking weather for it" with one another and then went our separate ways. I finallly don't feel like a complete freak.

Nerding Out

One of my boss's German clients turned me on to "Meet-Up German Speakers" and tonight I went. It was me, three other Deutschaphiles and a woman who was actually from Germany, a scientist of some sort. I've never quite figured out what it is I'm supposed to do with my German, it's an odd little parlor trick that I'm no longer that good at. It's not quite so good as a hard skill. Not very sexy either.

On the work front, I've gotten one bit of good news from one of the bankers, but I'm wating for even better news from the other one. I remain hopeful that things can get started soon. In the meantime, I've been clearing out some of the dead weight in the space.

Big Week

Work is going well, met with money folks last week, more money peeps this week. If things go well, I'll clear it with my boss and see if I can start blogging about my work project either here or on another, new blog.

Here's a little bit of St. Louis cultural differences for those of you on the coasts. In St. Louis, home of Anheuser Busch, drinking beer in public is your goddamned god-given right.

Life Insurance

About a year ago I was taking in a Shakespear in the Park production in New York and I ran into an old theatre design teacher of mine. He's gay, and when I told him I had gotten married he asked me very earnestly (New Jersey was mulling over civil unions at the time) "how is it?" I told him that the biggest difference I felt was that it was now okay to openly talk about my shared future with the other person. My former teacher is good at getting expository truth from people and my answer knocked me back since I had never articulated it for myself. When I was dating, even when I was in a long term, stable relationship, I was always leery of say, making Christmas plans in August.

Now that I'm married, planning can span months, years, and now I suppose, beyond. I was just notified on Monday that my life insurance policy through USAA had begun and if I crump before I turn 49, Laura will be the sole beneficiary. It's heady stuff, but I've been raised to be pretty practical about it.

Growing up, my parents would start many a conversation with "if your father and I dropped dead tomorrow..." Family friends and relatives would shift over the years and become the ones nominated to take care of my brother and I should my parents die. Once I became an adult, any changes in post mortum plans would be covered during my time home from school or when my parents would visit New York.

It has now been passed on through to the next generation like a potato salad recipe. Mortality is inevitable, and planning for it is just another form of hygiene. That doesn't exactly take away the ol' fear of death or make me feel like riding my bike like an asshole, but I was able to openly talk with Laura about future plans, even those that don't include us both.

How LImber You Feelin' Now Mother#$@#$@

Decided to bite the bullet and take a yoga class on frida and got talked into purchasing a $20 7-day unlimited pass. I took it Friday night and Saturday morning and my god do I hurt all over.

Looked around the internet and found this great short film that I had seen a couple of years ago. It's a pretty good portrayal of biking in New York. I especially like it since there are no anglos playing bike messengers, a personal pet peeve of mine. Look closely and you'll see a Mr. Frank Boudreaux as the yuppie douchebag what doors the messenger.

And I Thought Only My Wife Read This Thing

I guess I should have expected that a blog with my real first and last name would be more than a little googleable to my relatives. It was lovely to her from my master linguist aunt Dr. Jill Robbins and my uncle John wishing me a happy 29th.

In other relatives news, my cuzzister, Carol is off to college tomorrow. She's a smart cookie and all y'all better start saving saving up for her upcoming 2020 congressional campaign. BASTA!

29 is shaping up pretty well

The birthday party was a great success! We now have more wine than god. Matt and Narcisa came back from Bosnia just in time for the party and gave us a beautiful "Bosnian coffee" (don't say "Turkish coffee" unless you wanna get a frying pan and 630 years of history thrown at you) set and a bottle of plum Slivovica. Hell yeah!

My brother in law, Alex was able to come and visit fresh from his last final of college and the day he arrived he got a job offer! Sure it's good news for him, but it will also mean vast rebates on luxury hotel rooms for Laura and I when we come to visit Boston. Double Hell Yeah!

Lastly of course is the coming of Nosey, our new lady cat who we picked up today from the APA. Nosey is named for her love of ramming her nose into mine when she's amorous. She's so far been a great cat.

Here's pics of my life lately:


Laura getting ready to obliterate the former owner's paint choices.


Milo and Pig, awkward dog cousins.


So goddamned happy to own a house I forgot to wear a longer shirt.

My Eventful 29th

Here's the Highlight Reel

-Wake up at 4:00 in the morning. Drink about 30 oz of water and find out from NPR that the European stock market is shitting the bed.

-Suit up, get ready and head out at 5:00 am. Realize that I haven't so much as taken a step with my newfangled water bottle belt, consider ditching it, but tighten it instead. I hate the belt.

-Mile 8.5 I have a minor freakout. Inside of 100 feet I feel extremely tired and my body stops working like it should. I try drinking water but drop one of my water bottles and freak out some more. In the midst of all this, my former coworker's band Au Revoir Simone starts playing on my Shuffle and everything is ok again. Thank you Annie Hart.

-I have been saving my energy for the last three miles. MIle 10 comes around and the energy is not forthcoming. I reach for external forms of inspiration and find it in the form of Rihanna's "Umbrella" which I play three times in a row. It is a good example of my character persona that Julia likes to call, "big, gay Frank".

-Finish at 6:49. HOUR FORTY NINE-BITCHES!!! That's an average of 8 minutes 20 seconds a mile, waaaay faster than I had hoped for.

-Get on my bike. Go 10 miles and realize that both my body and mind are wrecked. I had counted on this so I intentionally biked in a straight line away from my house so that I can get at least 20 miles in. I drink water by the shore of the Mississippi river and head on back.

-I'm slower than molassis save for the last 2 miles when a biker passes me and I chase him to within 4 blocks of my house.

-Shower, change, gorge. My brother-in law Alex comes in from Boston and we go check out the cat we wanted to adopt.

-Adopt the cat, who shall be referred to from here on out at "The Nose". She is getter her uterus and her claws removed, we will pick her up on Wednesday.

I haven't had a beer for over two weeks. I haven't had any sleep since my morning and I can't freaking wait to see what alcahol will do to me.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Prop S Failed by 244 Votes

Proposition S failed in a vote of 1059 to 815. Taxes will remain lower, classrooms will stay crowded and my GD property value might not skyrocket beyond my wildest dreams. Ah well.

My Brother Is Back, His Dog Is Gone

Yesteday I returned my brother's dog back to him after nine weeks of dog sitting. My bro got a great job at a summer camp in Connecticut that he'd worked at for several summers and Laura and I agreed (jumped at the opportunity really) to watch his dog, Milo.

Milo is about three times the size of Pig, and unlike our hypo-allegenic bichon, sheds to beat the band. While he is now gone from our house, there is still plenty of his hair around with which to remember him. I have to say that he was a very good, well behaved dog...after the first two weeks and after we got him a "Gentle Leader" collar. He socialized well with Pig and even if he went a bit ballistic every time someone new came into the house, he did spend most of the time chilling out and obeying my verbal commands.

I had high hopes of running with him all the time, but he has a hinky right back leg and after every run, he would limp on it a lot. I didn't want to risk screwing up his leg and having to have the damn thing amputated.